So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
