was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
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