farters have to be the big spoon...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also, beer. Big fan.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
