i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
