Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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