I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
