You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
