Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
