you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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