I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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