Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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