i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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