Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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