tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
