So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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