Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
