2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
