I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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