felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
