i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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