Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
