First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You don't make any sense
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