nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Quick, to the slutcave!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
