friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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