Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
