i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
