I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
