so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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