i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
