After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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