Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
