i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
