If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Im part way to drunk.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
