She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
