I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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