also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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