One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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