awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
