Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize