I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
