I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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