i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
