my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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