I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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