Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize