why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
