i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
