Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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