Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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