I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I touched a dick in church today
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
