im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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