I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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