we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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