never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Randomize