either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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