Will you blow on my dice?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
