he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
