Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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