I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
