oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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