i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
sex in a hospital.. check
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
