you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize