OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
