That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
