you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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