I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
pray to the hookup gods
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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