i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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