"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
