it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
