I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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