Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
