I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
