Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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