The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
