wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
