I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
