don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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