I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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