I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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