Cold hands, warm shart.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize