Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
